“I have been wasting my tweets letting people know about an empty balloon! And because he is only six years old he will not face any punishment at all! I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets a trip to Walt Disney World! … I haven’t seen a disaster involving a balloon this bad since the Hindenburg.”
This may technically be considered a promotional video, but it is a great one.
“I guess kicking my seat is a necessary part of his ongoing development and it will derail his journey to self-actualization if you enforce any rules of behavior or impose any limitations on him because you don’t want him to have to experience disappointment as if there is a more important skill in life than learning to cope with disappointment.”
“While chatting, first greet happily Use polite words in a cordial way During the game always be open, honest and do the right thing Be careful on the keyboard I know who did it (be careful) I know I am the internet guardian angel I will be the first to protect I want to be the first to protect Though faces are unknown, it’s a warm neighborhood Precious Internet friend Precious Internet friend (friend!) Netiquette!”
“I Heart Guts is sad to inform you that we have issued a voluntary recall for one of our products, the Uterus Plush. For those of you who noticed our impromptu hysterectomy, here’s the story: In an effort to make sure our toys are safe for all ages, the uterus plush failed a child toy safety standards test … The uterus will be made available on our website for adults only — it is a sex organ after all — who consent to keep it away from kids.”